I never said it would be easy....

I never said it would be easy, but that it would be worth it. That statement keeps running through my mind. After I finished my previous post, I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't slow down. I thought about more things that I didn't have control of, but most importantly like I thought about what I am doing in life. Since that night I have tried to keep my spirit bright, but tonight I finally threw up my hands and gave up.

I can tell that this post is going to be mostly for me (sorry I don't know how to make it private). But it is going to remind why in the heck I am here at Utah State.

For the past year I have had nothing, but hopeful dreams of become a photographer. But, this past month has put me in moods of anger, frustration, and hopelessness. Every time I try to figure something out in photo it becomes more confusing and it ends up costing me more money.

Take today as an example. I need to do a zone system project. To do that I have to take a picture of a black towel and a white towel using my camera and a spot meter. This spot meter cost me about $350. It unfortunately doesn't work for this class or I can't seem to make it work because I am such an idiot so I have no assignment to turn in tomorrow, ( I know that is what I get for trying to do it late.) In order to do this I am either going to have to buy a new spot meter or by a 1 degree attachment which costs as much as the meter.

This all brings me back to why am I doing something that I am beginning to hate so much. I have had a lot of time to think about this and I haven't come up with anything so who do I call....(not the ghost busters) I call my Dad.

He told me about when he started making donuts. None of them tasted any good, but eventually he got it right. It took a lot of time, but he became good at it. He told me that this is what it was going to be like with me. It is going to be rough and hard, but ending result will be worth the time and effort I put into it. So with my Dad's word of encouragement I press forward with the scene from "Emperor's New Groove" or the twelve cheerleader movie...."BRING IT ON!!"

Box of Chocolates....

The famous line from Forest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." This line, that has been repeated and repeated since it came to theaters, is now something that I honestly believe. My life has been a different kind of chocolate everyday. I wake up in the morning and I don't know what the day has in store for me. I think of tomorrow and I wonder what will happen. Is it going to be awkward, normal, or am I going to find something to cause drama in my life? (Because I love drama)

I have now begun to worry about things I have no power over and what most people wouldn't have a second thought about. It has gotten the point where I have forgotten how to live in the moment. Instead of taking charge and doing something about it, I'll sit and fret about it. I have wasted my life worry about these things. I now know it is time to take charge of my life. I am going to do it the best way I know how. I have a great example in my life and she always has a theme for each year and I am going to instill that into my life.

3 Nephi 13:34- "Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for things of itself..."

I am going to stop worrying about things because I know that my Heavenly Father is in control. I have faith that the worries I have will be resolved, though they won't be in the time frame I would wish, it will all work out for the best.

Because life is like a box of chocolates......and I can't wait to see what I get next!